Recycled April 1 Press Release
"Best of..." Compilation
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Sound Guy, Inc.
Saratoga, CA – April 1, 2011 The Sound Guy, Inc. has announced that they will not be issuing a new April 1 press release. Instead, they've decided to rehash highlights from previous years.
My Totally Excellent Life
In their 2006 press release, they discussed My Totally Excellent Life, a "chick lit" novel revolving around the adventures of two young women and the plug-in that changed their lives forever.
"SFX Machine was mentioned throughout the book," said Earl Vickers, CEO of The Sound Guy, Inc. "At one point a character quotes an entire paragraph from the SFX Machine user manual. I can't think of another young adult novel so heavily focused on a particular piece of audio effects software."
The book's plot involved concepts like feedback, "strange loops," "shoplifting," and an archetypal figure named "Ouroborus," a snake that eats its own tail. Central to the novel is the idea that everything modulates everything else, a concept apparently inspired by the SFX Machine architecture.
The 2007 press release featured AfterLife™, which allegedly used "quantum randomness" to channel deceased classic rock performers like Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia, Keith Moon and Frank Zappa for instant jam sessions. AfterLife tapped into a network organized by the Global Consciousness Project, http://noosphere.princeton.edu, which provided dozens of physical, non-deterministic random number generators (using radioactive decay).
"Due to the nature of quantum randomness, we can't prove that the output of the quantum network is being influenced by the mental activity of non-living musicians," said Vickers. "But you can't prove it's not."
In 2008, The Sound Guy pretended to release INFINITUDE!, which allowed customers to WIN THE LOUDNESS WAR ONCE AND FOR ALL! With INFINITUDE!, musicians could EMPHASIZE EVERY SINGLE NOTE and ensure that their music was LOUDER, and therefore BETTER, than anyone else's!
But The Sound Guy didn't forget about those important spaces between the notes! With INFINITUDE!, the QUIET, SENSITIVE MOMENTS could be JUST AS LOUD AS THE REST OF THE SONG!
PayPerNote, ostensibly released on April 1, 2009, analyzed audio or MIDI inputs and allowed performers to view exactly how much they were getting paid per note, in real time.
"Musicians are very generous and often get caught up in the moment, not realizing how much they're giving for what they're getting paid," said Sound Guy CEO Earl Vickers. "Without some kind of visual cue, it's easy for a performer's mind to wander toward chord progressions or song meanings instead of focusing on the bottom line. With PayPerNote software, they can see at a glance if they need to dial it back."
Turd Polisher Pro
Turd Polisher Pro was designed to improve every aspect of a song, from the writing to the recording. Using an advanced neural network trained on a database of over 10,000 songs, it analyzed the lyrics, melody, arrangement and performances to quantify and maximize artistic integrity and commercial potential.
“They said it couldn’t be done,” recalled developer Earl Vickers. “But we proved that you could start with a drunken voicemail message, feed it into Turd Polisher Pro, and squeeze out the number two hit song in the country! Now you can literally ‘phone it in.’ No one will know you sang your hits in the shower or while sitting on the toilet.”
Turd Polisher Pro was the first of The Sound Guy's April 1 ideas to be made into an actual working product. The web page includes a free demo as well as "Before" and "After" audio samples.
On April 1, 2011, customers can receive a 25% discount by using the coupon code AprilFool2011.
The Sound Guy, Inc. is the manufacturer of Backwards Machine, Turd Polisher Pro, and the award-winning SFX Machine family of audio effects plug-ins, including the new SFX Machine Pro for RTAS. For more information, visit http://sfxmachine.com .